Things are coming together.
As the energies increase, more and more I am able to settle in and enjoy my life.
As you may well imagine, I have spent the last twenty-seven years waiting for the other 'shoe' to drop--for some large change out of proportion with the status quo, with my being ready to help guide others or do whatever is asked of me.
I asked my SOUL to step in, and carry the burden for me as I had grown fatigued and could not carry this burden of responsibility for souls who are asleep or barely awake any more.
You know I did laundry?
Yes, you know, after the ecstasy, the laundry...and it made me VERY happy to have my 'laundry' not sitting around the home driving me crazy! On Monday I had the day off, and I made important phone calls I may only make during business hours...finding money that was owed to me as refunds, and holding people accountable for it.
I felt like a human person again!
And it was nice.
In the last two weeks I've had my first physical in over five years, blood tests, and even, since it's been slow in the operating room--come home and cooked dinner not because Anthony was saying, 'I'm HUNGRY!' but because I got to create and make something I wanted to eat instead.
While he was at camp I had my mommy-moon, my second one. The first was when he was seven. Both times I realized this whole childhood thing--which takes up most of my waking hours and is my heart--is going full speed ahead and isn't going to last forever. This time I realized I baby him too much, and I need to be a little more independent myself to teach him his own independence too. I also realized how precious these next few years are, and too enjoy them. It's nice having our routines, our quiet times at home, our inside jokes.
What about Ross?
He's a part of it.
Anthony knows him, senses him too.
Yesterday on my way to work, I longed for one more day just to watch Ross in his workshop. He didn't realize how much I loved him, how much I enjoyed watching him at his hobby. So he pointed out to me the different areas of his latest project, emphasizing things like the grain of the wood and how it was special, or the tricky part to make, and I just watched, so happy. I also brought him something like tea, ice tea or lemonade or an Arnold Palmer--to refresh him and bring him joy as he worked.
Anthony and I are in a little bind. The association where we live isn't really 'right'--they just changed over and are going to raise the fees and it's not certain if it's wise to stay here. Also the city council wants to 'bring in revenue' and 'update' the 'city downtown'.
Dude, it's a suburb!
There IS no 'down town'.
Both of us see the writing on the wall.
Both of us love our house and don't want to move.
So I've been exploring with Ross a part of my soul that is in need of healing, deep healing.
It's the part of me that doesn't like to move.
It needs healing because it's not someone that hurt me. It's LIFE that did. And in this life, after all my moves for my education, I was worn out!
Ross gently explained I got to see a lot of great places, like Berkeley and La Jolla, and live in their neighborhoods, BECAUSE of my training.
I gave him credit for that.
Then I started to cry.
I've wanted to 'put down roots' for centuries, as a soul, mostly because of life with Ross. My soul has been crying for fruit trees and a garden, for nice comforts, for community...much like we had in our long time in India.
My soul likes structure too. Anthony thrived on it at camp. I thrive on it too. My work is the total opposite of structure! Everything is last minute and unpredictable. Even the patients. Someone with a toe that needs surgery can have an oral board's question worth of complexity attached to that toe--bad lungs, bad airway, bad heart, bad kidneys, diabetes...lots of coexisting disease that makes the anesthesia risk go WAY up.
Ross asked me where I want to live?
He said 'tell me where you want to live and I will buy it for you.'
I can't pick.
I'm afraid I will make the wrong choice. I've never once picked in this life--and somehow it always 'worked out'.
I also have memories of my parents here, and Anthony as a baby...and I can afford it too.
Souls don't heal overnight.
I'm open to the healing and working with my guide and husband and Twin.
As an aside, I'd like to mention some weird things my mom and I have noticed this year, apart from other years. There have been no June bugs. I haven't seen one. She has no butterflies or birds in her back yard, not even the crows. (I still have crows here). The ants haven't come yet either, but usually August the homes in our area are full of ants.
I don't want to complain, but at work I can't use my phone in the O.R.
I can't read either.
People are 'watching' and will write me up.
Cases are long and boring. I'm not sure I can' keep up with this forever.
When you set up an anesthetic well, there's not much to do during the maintenance phase except 'table up' and 'tilt the table'.
I came home last night are watched YouTube a long time. I was heartened because an old high school classmate talked about the news on Facebook, and said, 'the next four years are going to be lots of FEAR in the news, might as well get used to it.'
I was like, 'wow! he's almost awake!'
Indeed it's a huge psychological operative--on us, the people--to have 'instability' in our Government. These techniques began in Germany in WW2, and have been perfected ever since. They play with our minds. Kauilapele labels it 'fear porn' because it truly is addictive. In the past, there was a 'gentleman's agreement' with the president and the press to 'not cover' certain 'dalliances'. Now it's the total opposite. The press and the president are at war, and it's like having your own parents fighting in the dining room while you are supposed to be asleep. Very unsettling...
I saw also happy to see this from Spiritchasrrr on Instagram--video footage of Joe Biden:
He also posted this too.
Here's my latest 'muses':
- my cousins told me this chemical is being spiked with other opiates where there's a big crisis in New England. I'm anesthesia and I've never heard of it--wow--https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carfentanil
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_of_Paul_the_Apostle (I saw a license plate with Acts 9)
Ross sends you his love and I have to go get ready for work.
We love you!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple